Someone shit on the floor
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
only you would photoshop your dick
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
