why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
