I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
