He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
