haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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