When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
