No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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