Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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