please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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