I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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