someone get that fucking seahorse.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
