I murdered the dance floor call the cops
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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