Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She even gives head with a lisp.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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