If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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