I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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