there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
