it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
