I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
