He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
