His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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