she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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