I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize