Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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