shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
