Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
