capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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