Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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