I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just invented taco cereal.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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