Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
