wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
