so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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