if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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