I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
