and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
