I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Is it penis luge time yet?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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