I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
