im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
