Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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