she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
another moral hangover. fuck.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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