Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
