just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
