I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
