if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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