Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
