He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
