I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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