Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
