Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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