sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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