I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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