bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
