Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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