I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
