HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
