Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
