just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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