...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
