he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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