Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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