so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
