Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize