I think im going to throw up on grandma
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
