I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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