i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
