it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
