i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
