aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
