ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
