you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
